MY BODY

A hospital dispatch, and some answers to your questions.

Dear Readers, I am holding a flash sale this week.

Monthly memberships will be priced at £5.00

And yearly memberships will be priced at £50.00

My dispatches will always be free and open to everyone. I am unable to use my hands and I am writing, via dictation, with the help of my family. If you want to support my writing, please consider becoming a paid subscriber.

If you have any questions for me, please post them in the comment section, which is open to everyone this week.

“Let’s have a look at his penis,” said one of the doctors to the other. Both were young and elegant, and obviously clever. “Is that okay?” she said to me.

“Sure, go ahead, feel free,” I said. I almost added, “This is something I’ve waited a long time to hear.”

The doctor fumbled in the front of my Paul Smith pyjamas, opened them up, and reached into the mass of overgrown, grey pubic hair. At last, she found the mushroom and bent over to take a closer gander.