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Sue Smee's avatar

You have the most remarkable way of putting things. Thank you for your sharp intellect and generous heart.

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Sam Redlark's avatar

Yours was a thoughtful, insightful and enlightening essay, written from a perspective that exists forever outside of my realm of experience.

After I was done reading it, I went out into the garden as it was getting dark. I lit a disposable barbecue. After the flames died down, I tossed a couple of things on the flimsy grill. I sat down and I thought about your writing, and watched the squashed red and yellow constellations of the distant aircraft as they moved through the skies overhead. I can't remember the last time I sat alone and in silence, and simply thought about things. I should do it more often. I think I might be happier if I did.

The first time that I read a movie script (I believe it was 'Pulp Fiction') I was astonished by how spartan it was. I was expecting something with the density of a Shakespearean play, and it wasn't like that at all. I have since come to the realisation that movies are more than just words and images on a screen; that they braid together narratives framed in a myriad of different mediums. Recently I have become fascinated (to the point of hitting pause on the DVD remote) by set dressings – those rooms that have the superficial appearance of places where people have lived and worked, maybe for years, and yet none of it is real. Somebody on the production team thoughtfully positioned every object, both in and out of shot, and perhaps considered the history of each piece and its relevance to the characters occupying that space.

I moved through Yemen on my own, during the late 90s. I speed-read a Penguin translation of the Quran during the flight over. I don't think that you could still negotiate the country the way that I did back then, or whether you would even want to. If you could, then it would probably be harder now. You were supposed to obtain permits from the police prior to moving between the major towns. The soldiers/tribesmen would ask you for the paperwork at the checkpoints, which were usually little more than tied together sections of old rope, strung across the road, between pairs of oil drums. You could plead ignorance and they would usually allow you through, with a few notable exceptions. You weren't getting anywhere near Marib without a formal nod of the head.

I had acquired a revolver for protection from the local wildlife. There are roving dog packs and they are very dangerous. I had haggled for the gun in one of the villages outside of Sana'a while sitting on a metal crate that was filled with hand grenades. While I was in Yemen, I was not in a good frame of mind. I was frequently high on a natural amphetamine called Qat – the cheap and nasty variety that would make your throat bleed. On occasion I was also drunk. One evening I sat on the end of the bed in my hotel room. I loaded the gun and put it in my mouth with the barrel pointed upward. I had no intention of pulling the trigger. I wanted to see what it was like to be poised on the brink, but it was an empty gesture. I was a walking disaster of a human being. In common with many other walking human disasters, I was invulnerable. Before I left the country, I dismantled the revolver and buried the parts in different places. I haven't fired a gun since then, and I don't imagine that I ever will again.

On paper, Yemen had been unified in 1990. The friends that I made still separated the country into the relatively liberal south and the hardline conservative north. Ironically, while I was there, it was in the liberal south, in Abyan, where a large group of foreign tourists were taken captive and later killed, either by their kidnappers, or in the crossfire between the terrorists and the army. It was an early manifestation of al-Qaeda, a couple of years before the bombing of the USS Cole, in Aden Harbour, and everything that came after that.

I have often wondered if the people who died were from one of the tour groups who I would sometimes see climbing out of SUVs and then walking aimlessly up and down a street, too nervous to take a seat in one of the cafes. There is a misconception that a man bearing a talismanic Kalashnikov will keep you safe under such circumstances. In truth it is your fellow travellers from the area, with whom you drink tea and converse, who offer you your best hope against those who wish to cause you harm. Better to make your own way, rather than under the banner of a tour group.

There was a general assumption that, if you were a westerner, and not a Muslim, then you must be a Christian. The idea that you might be an atheist was apparently too implausible a thing to contemplate. Informing someone that you didn't care either way was very likely an anathema. In Yemen, and in other similar places, for the sake of simplicity I became an honorary Christian.

When I was wandering around in Dankalia, in Eritrea, I played a taped copy of the song 'Blues For Allah' by The Grateful Dead to a group of tribesmen. I was interested in what their reactions would be. A man who I was travelling with provided a translation of the lyrics which I recited, and which occasionally appeared to spark conversation, though I was not party to it.

In the desert, where the mosques are often little more than low circular walls of mud brick, indistinguishable, from a distance, from the surrounding landscape, something peculiar seems to happen to Islam. It becomes less a religion and more a credo; something that is inseparable from day to day life. I would very much like to exist in such a manner, in unobtrusive harmony with whatever god will have me, and with nature, and the banal minutiae of my cloistered existence. Unfortunately, I don't think I have it in me.

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