THE SPANK (PART TWO)

A play by Hanif Kureishi

SCENE FOUR

Vargas: The next time we met was four days later. That was a while for us. I had been worried, to say the least. I had no idea what was going on. He looked a little..strange. Stranger, let's say- He was changing, right in front of me. And I wasn't in the best of moods. But there was reason for that. Then he asked me for something...

Vargas: What have you done now? Why, why have you done it?

Sonny: Please- Don’t attack me.

Vargas: I'm livid with you. Sonny- Sonny- And not for the first or last time-

Sonny: Let me explain. Leila needed me out. She has a violent side, and after seeing the penis she became wild, Christ, coming at me with her nails, calling me all-sorts, psychopath being a useful catch-all, she eats up that psychiatric material. They're all writing about me -

Vargas: Ah.

Sonny: I believe she feels physical disgust at the sight of me. 

Vargas: I think she must love you very much-

Sonny: Yes. I see.

Vargas: Yes -

Sonny: It was chaos in the house, and getting worse. Rashida just stared at me as if she had no idea who I was. She believed we had an arrangement.

I thought, if I'm making you all so sad I'll clear out now, give you the time to start loving me again. Three days I've been out of the VIP area, beyond the velvet rope, in limbo-

Vargas: You missed that fucking meeting with the architect and the builder. We were stood there. We were waiting for your thoughts. For your ideas. Nothing. You don't take my calls-

 Sonny: Have you noticed - it's odd - that however much money you have, after a certain age you only have three pairs of trousers that actually fit you.

I was busy transporting said trousers to the Bates, which has, as I've said, rattling windows, with a sort of constant hiss at them. Overnight I’ve become a downstart-

Vargas: It's a general fear-

Sonny: Can I ask? I've been thinking... This question might seem strange. I'm interested... Are you afraid of your children?

Vargas: What? God yes -

Sonny: You are?

Vargas: Terrified. But it's the first time I've come clean and admitted it, even to myself -

Sonny: Me too.

Vargas: Yeah-

Sonny: Their judgement.

Vargas: God, yeah -

Sonny: How we didn't do this, or that. The perpetual failure of the dad. Like you, I was scared of my father, now I wonder if I traumatized my own son. I freeze at the sight of my daughter. What hell and reproaches will she hurl at me today?

But what did I do? Was I absent? Too present? Unintentionally cruel? Too generous? Were there too many kisses? Too few? How many kisses should there be, in an ideal world? And of what correct duration?

You remember, I had to buy Leila that horse. Lavender ate better than most people in the world and shat caviar. Now my girl slashes at herself with a razor blade and looks at me as if I were Hitler. I don't mind her being mad. That's normal, these days, with the young, as you say. But why can't she be loving mad?

How did we make these monsters, Vargas? These new puritans and endless adolescents. Don’t they want to grow up and leave us alone? If only they'd stick to self-harming.

Vargas: I see you, I look at you and, you know what, I shudder and think, thank God my daughter's safe sane, and no trouble.  I said you should have sent Leila to state school, like Gemma. It was right for her to be among normal people, even if they were illiterate. Maybe privilege turned Lila into a monster?

Sonny: Maybe you're a nasty smug shit.

Vargas: It's possible, you know-

Sonny: So I say to her, to Leila: you don't like us so much, go live in your own house, earn your own money, be hated by your own kids -

Vargas: You said that?

Sonny: Yeah, I did almost.  Now I am gone. I've become one of those sad people who goes out for walks.

I walked past my own house. Uncannily, it was right there: my money, my bricks, books, vinyl, paintings, photographs. Everyone was out, I'd been waiting - more or less hiding - on the corner. In I went. It was silent. I picked up a few things and looked at them as if I'd never seen them before. 

In my bathroom I turned on the taps. It would be luxury, after the Bates. But even stewing in my own water - water I could carry away with me and sip at my leisure - I felt like a thief, a criminal.

There was a noise. I froze. Footsteps. The door opened. It was Maria, the cleaner. I panicked and began to splash about.

It was nothing to her, why would it be, just a cracked, decadent old dentist needing to be clean in the afternoon. 

You are my true friend aren't you? Really, what do I mean to you? I'll tell you what's happening. I am coming to your house later.  A friendly call. We spliff up, play one of the old ones, The Stooges, or Blood on the Tracks till the end, we talk all through it about everything and nothing-.

We rip it up. Yeah? That'll be good for me. I'll be back to my old self, restless, talky, an entertainment-

Vargas: Sonny-

Sonny: Don't worry, you'll be in bed by ten thirty-

Vargas: Sonny. Sonny. Nina sided with Rashida and Leila.

Sonny: Ah- You discussed it?

Vargas: I did suggest... well, I asked if you could stay at ours a few days, sleep it off, until shocking memories of the horrible penis recede around the neighbourhood.

It didn't take off. Leila even rang Nina back to thank her for the information, for her discretion, for the truth. She informed Nina you'd been selfish, as usual thinking about your own pleasure, degrading the family, all that. There was a lot of it, I have to say, maybe too much. But Nina agreed...

Sonny: Let me speak to her. To Nina. I want to explain to her what went on.

Vargas: No way. Do not attempt that. You keep away from her. We're happy, we don't want explanations.

Sonny: When she said I wasn't welcome at the house, what did you say? Friend?  Nothing? Did you speak up for me?

Vargas: Not at all. Not a squeak.

Sonny: Ah.

Vargas: When we came here, my father used to say – kiss the ground everyday, child - whatever happens, war, revolution, a flood or earthquake, people will always have verrucas. They will cry for suppositories, and most of all painkillers.

My father had the shop. It wasn't clean. He drove a cab then he opened the pizza place. I delivered.   

Dad was ill for five years. I wanted him to live with us. Nina mostly looked after him, while I worked. She took him to the hospital, gave him his pills, and helped pick him up from the floor, even as he asked 'are you my mother?' She washed and cleaned him. She kept it all together.

I was ambitious. I was bloody-minded. I was disciplined. I gave up the present for the future. Now I’m in the future, am I going to throw it in the fire for a fun night with an exhibitionist? 

Doris, and everything you said - the flowers, the light, saying one another's names, the dancing, in particular-

Sonny: Not the dancing-

Vargas: Even that. It's a fantasy. She's not real. She's not there or anywhere. She's only in your mind. You can do anything you like there, but it doesn’t count. It’s weightless. You're dreaming, pal. Dreaming while awake.

Nina exists. She really does. She exists, she's right there, and she likes me. That's something. It’s a lot. She’s money in the bank....and she’s going nowhere...

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SCENE FIVE

Vargas: I was getting tense. We all were. But there was still something between us. Something in the friendship, something we could agree on. And something we could do together, despite everything, even my resistance.

Vargas: It's going mad. People are getting over-excited. Your penis now has legs. It's moving away from us. 

Sonny: It’s running?

Vargas: You could say that-

Sonny: Where is it going?

Vargas: All over- Everywhere - It's more mobile than you -

Sonny: It's been seen at large? Was it well dressed? In a bow tie, even?

Vargas: There are rumours, Sonny-

Sonny: About both of us?

Vargas: Your partners, the architects, even the bank, they're calling me. Have mercy. I'm begging. Don't drag me down with you. You're the one who convinced me: there's millions in tooth decay and replacement-

Sonny: The mouth is a gold mine.

Vargas: Exactly. Make that mine mine. Our mine-

Sonny: That's precisely what I was working on-

Vargas: Man.

Sonny: What? Eh?

Vargas: You've got uglier overnight. You don't look, let's say, how can I put it, at your peak. Has something happened to you?

Sonny: It did. Remember the crackhead? I might have mentioned her, a woman, young maybe, but of indeterminate age,  known as mad Naddy, for reasons I can't begin to fathom  -

Vargas: Yes, I think so- Why?

Sonny: A few weeks ago I found her sitting at my basement door in the rain, taking her drug, trembling. I asked her in and invited her to list her sorrows. It took some time-

Vargas: Didn't she steal the soap, your razor and that Viagra I got you?  Didn't she go up into Leila's room and pinch her headphones?

Sonny: That first time I met Naddy, she and I had a meditative moment, looking out at my illuminated garden together, where the lights cost three grand. 

Vargas: And the kitchen-

Sonny: Ah, that beauty. Tell your gossipy enquirers the truth: I lie in my filthy bed at the Bates thinking about my kitchen, the granite surfaces, the wood, the ice-maker; the cleaner, the gardener, the decorator, all the people we kept.

The city had been full of skilled immigrants. We didn't waste the opportunity to welcome them, and have them redecorate our houses, two or three times, if I remember rightly in your case- 

Vargas: You handed that junkie girl blankets, books, CDs, and a lot of money. She was amazed. No one does that.  People flee from her as they do from the mad.  You called her your redemption, your salvation. You felt bad about being a winner. She really affected you. I know why.

Sonny: You have no idea. How could you?

Vargas: She reminded you-

Sonny: Of what? Tell me.

Vargas: Of your own daughter. Of Leila- Yeah?

Sonny: Okay. She might have been one I could actually save-

Vargas: Yes-

Sonny: V, please, let me stay on the path for once. It turned out that Naddy was worth the money. She took pity on me, as I ran into her after midnight in the drizzle.

Vargas: When?

Sonny: Last night.

Vargas: You were out?

Sonny: I couldn’t stay in. Maybe I was looking for myself in the dark.

Vargas: Didn't they tip all the asylums out into our neighbourhood? 

Sonny: The city is spiritual at that time. It was still. You can study foxes, schizos, silence - There are people who eat our trash. I saw foreign women, doing just that, with their bare hands-

Naddy dashes out of nowhere.  She clings to me. Come on,  you've joined the dirty slags. What are you doing? You're like us now. You've fallen through the fucking floor! Come- Follow me.

 So I do.

A row of shops, a door, up some dodgy stairs to smoke. A room full of the misbegotten. The man who lives at the bus stop. The other one, who weeps on the ground in the rain. You'd recognise some of them as always keen to steal from you, nutters, mutterers, excrement on the outside of their trousers.

Drinking rough liquor. Smoking. It's been a while since I sat on a cushion. Soon I couldn't move. Couldn't stand up.

Done for, I pass out, I wake up hours later, stagger back to my beloved Bates to find my wallet, cash, credit cards, phone - gone.

I return. I can't find the door. I see a man I recognise, he isn't so young. I think, I'll search him for my belongings, the photograph on the phone in particular I don't want more widely broadcast-

Just give it back, I beg him.  Hand it over. He pushes me. I shove him, he knocks me down, I'm on my knees and he kicks me several times, including in my precious balls - while telling me he and his friends know me, they see me all the time. They know where I stay and are keen to harm me- They can barely wait to get started -

Vargas: Why?

Sonny: They're aware of my reputation as a dirty man, that I tried to have sex with Naddy, bribing her.

Then, you know what? He spat on me, Vargas.

Vargas: Oh-

Sonny: I ask why do you think I want sex with Naddy? He says, you gave her gifts, money, why else, unless you were buying sex or drugs. I say, out of charity! Out of disinterested love! He tells me to fuck my charity. He doesn't want it! He wants the rich like me - to die!

Vargas: Everyone's gone fucking nihilist now, man. It's a ferment out there -

Sonny: I was about to offer him free treatment. He would have teeth that would make him love capitalism. I said, you could become a model, an influencer! He preferred to hit me again.

I wake up on my own, freezing.  After all this, well, back at the Bates I was bruised and in a kind of daze. I must have been spiked. How near we all are, to the edge-

Vargas: No, we're not. Fuck you. Fuck your stupid self-pity. I put my inheritance into that building. Mother's money. You're the boss. I trusted you. They won't do anything without your go-ahead.  It's paralysed.

Sonny, you've been taking me for granted. I'm supposed to be devoted, to be loyal. But, surprise, I'm a person. You don't control me. You have to reciprocate. You're taking my life down because of a kiss, because of some...trivial dalliance. The worst thing that's gonna happen to you is not being spat on- It’s-

Sonny:  Don't wave that knife. Put it down.

Vargas: Why in God’s name did you have to start all this? A woman friend, the other day, you know, she came to the house. I was listening from the kitchen. She was telling Nina that she absolutely had to be satisfied by a man, in certain ways, and at certain times a month, otherwise she is so blocked, and even destructive, she might punch someone. God, I thought, thank God I'm not married to her. I hate sex and everything to do with it. In the past five years I’ve had more operations than sexual events.

Sonny: I thought you enjoyed a bit of cunnilingus from time to time?

Vargas: One time, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and thought I resembled a rat trying to nibble through a skirting board.

Sonny:  If you give up on real people, there’s always porn-

Vargas: That’s like watching other people’s wedding videos. D’you remember - we were alive when they had it, not so long ago - a hilarous thing, called 'sexual liberation'. I tell you what that would be, liberation? Never having anything to do with sex again. Never doing it, never thinking about it. That would be freedom-

Sonny: It’s supposed to be emotional, Vargas, where you feel close to others, where your guard is down,  you say and do things you do nowhere else-

Vargas: The intimate thing is everyday living-

Sonny: There is a way back for us, you know. It came to me in my stupor.

Vargas: There is?

Sonny: Through you. Through your respect for me. You can redeem yourself -

Vargas: I can? Why am I fearing this...?

Sonny: You do the following. Right. It's a plan. It could work.  You talk to Rashida.

Vargas: No. Never. No way -

Sonny: You will.

Vargas: Why?

Sonny: I'm desperate. She won't open the door. Won't take my calls. I’m an outcast. Sit down with her. Find out what's going on. At first, try logic and reason. Then insist. Then threaten. Then beg. You owe me-

Vargas: Oh Jesus-

Sonny: Thanks, bro-

Vargas: Give me one reason why she'd she see me.

Sonny: Disruption and conflict make her ill. She likes everything clean and simple. Why else would she hide in superiority and the accumulation of pointless knowledge?

Vargas: What does Rashida call me? Eh?

Sonny. She doesn't say it often.

Vargas: Say it-

Sonny: The Shopkeeper.

Vargas: Really? And? Sonny-

Sonny: S.O.S.

Vargas: Let me hear it-

Sonny: The Sultan of Suppositories.  Sorry.

Vargas: Okay. Yes. Why not. I can talk to Rashida. I can. I'm not afraid. Maybe the calm application of reason will really work for the first time in the history of the world.

Sonny: Do. I'll be back home in a flash. I'm packed already. We'll be back in business in a day -

Vargas: Anything else?

Sonny: Yes. Before you meet her, will you discuss it tonight with Nina as a self-satisfied couple who keep no secrets?

Vargas: Not a chance. Nina was sickened by your betrayal with Doris. That someone would do that. The world falls apart without openness and trust. She can't think of one true thing in you. She doesn't even like me seeing you. Gemma: she wouldn't want you near.

Sonny: Yet Nina cannot say anything against Rashida. Rashida is a prime example of effort, respectability and self-determination. Plus, her vagina is a closed book.

Vargas: My Nina is agitated right now, if not depressed. Her world is collapsing. The decent never get any publicity. I'm living with her tears, in this dread-

Sonny: Ah-

Vargas: People look at us. Good schools, luxury cars, lighted gardens. We close the shutters, go to the airport and summer in Tuscany. They think we live like kings. They have no idea of the constant strain, the squeeze, the fear, of loss, of it all going away.  I used to love this country-

Sonny: Any cunt can love their country, but being ashamed, that's a sign of true belonging. We need to rebuild, V, from here. Go on, out there, my little warrior. Defend my honour as if it were your own. We carry on with the enterprise, as brothers, as collaborators-

Vargas: Here. Take this. Get a phone. Call people.  Remember you don't have an iota of honour right now- Your reputation's dead. Once you've put your dick out there, you can't just pull it back in, slip it away and think no one's seen -

Sonny: No one damns me for a dick. Who are they?  Get to it, Vargas - we're forever connected. Rush out there, say you love me. Be my advertisement. Say despite appearances and minor slip-ups in the moral area, I'm a good, original man. Tell the haters they're wrong-

Vargas: You can rely on me-

Sonny: That is what I fear -

Vargas: But I will do my best for you. For both of us. Trust me.

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                                        Seven

                           Same place.

Sonny sits there. He waits. No one comes.

Sonny: Come on, where are you, don't let me down, friend. Come on- Just turn up. That's all you have to do. Vargas, do it - Please... Vargas!- You're still a decent man, aren't you?

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                                       Eight***

Vargas sits there. He waits. No one comes.

Vargas: You idiot! -

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                                        Scene Eight

Vargas: I was knocked out. But I wasn't finished. I had got up. My family had taught me that. I was ready to go on. What had happened wasn't so bad. Then-

Vargas: It killed me.  Being slaughtered. That's where I've been-

Sonny: She turned up?

Vargas: I went and did it. For you. As you asked. Okay.

Sonny: Wow- That's a thing.

Vargas: I'm not sure you will thank me. What now? You. It's a question, before I tell you what happened. Another kick in the balls?

Sonny: He just appeared.

Vargas: Who?

Sonny: I was bruised on my bed at the Bates. I'd been crying. He wanted to see me - my boy - and he brought me money and trousers.

Vargas: He's a tender kid-

Sonny: He was moved, worried I'd become mentally sick and might become even more stupid-

Vargas: What can anyone do for you in this state?

Sonny: You know what? He offered to move into the Bates with me. You didn't do that. He sat on the edge of the bed, took my hand and asked about Doris-

Vargas: How did you explain it?

Sonny: I said, she's kind and attentive. She likes talking with me, hanging around, laughing, discussing anything. How much it had surprised and cheered me, after many, you know, barren years-

Vargas: With his mother- Who you let down.

Sonny: Atif got it, now he himself has someone he adores, someone I think he loves-

Vargas: I'm glad someone in your family is capable, Sonny.

Sonny:  He knows how important and revivifying love is-

Vargas: I'm sure-

Sonny: Kids hate to touch their parents, but he held me. He stayed as long as he could. He was on his way to meet Gemma. They were rehearsing for next weekend.

Vargas: Who, did you say? My Gemma? But why?

Sonny: Aren't you going on Saturday? To the gig? They're opening for the Shoelaces up at the Backdoor-

Vargas: Christ, yes, yes. I suppose so. I'd forgotten, with all this going on. Shouldn't they call it off?

Sonny: Why?

Vargas: Nina's been scratching her arms. They're raw and bleeding. She's exhausted by you, your family, and people blaming her. That she was naive and over-reacted. People even think she's simple. Humourless- She didn't find your dick funny- She’s old-fashioned because she doesn’t like betrayal.

Sonny: Silence may not be golden, Vargas. But tact is.

Vargas: It was sisterly solidarity and loyalty to Rashida. Nina identified. Don't laugh. Who points that out? The decency. The protectiveness-

Sonny: Rashida would have floated far above it with a beautiful indifference.

Vargas: Now, you know what,  Nina is blaming me. It's my fault and I shouldn't see you. She scowls. She turns her back. I shouldn't have said anything. I put her in a position.  When you first put me in a position-

Sonny:  I wouldn't remind Nina yet about the gig.

Vargas: No- Right....

Sonny: Keep it from her until nearer the time. She'll only worry Gemma with it. They've been rehearsing for months and want to get more exposure. Atif's relying on it. He's excited. He fetched his guitar, sat down and played me a new song-

Vargas: Good?

Sonny: One he made with Gemma, I think in the studio at the back of my house. I love them working there. I can hear them from my sofa. They write well together.

Vargas: She's academic, mainly, my Gem. Bookish. Super clever.

Sonny: That's from you.

Vargas: Rashida praised her essays. Rashida always helped women, and found her a tutor, remember? Gemma could become an obstetrician, I'm trying to fund her studies, get her a flat-

Sonny: We were worried about Atif all that time-

Vargas: He insisted on leaving school at sixteen- You know I didn't approve-

Sonny: He's starting to flourish despite never having read a book. Who has, these days? When he was a kid, I once called him lazy. Accused him of not making an effort.  I hated myself for that.

Now he and Gemma are like Romeo and Juliet. Except she's nineteen and he's twenty two. Perfect, don't you think?  They'll go travelling together-

Vargas: She's only going to college.

Sonny: It's been going strong for a few months-

Vargas: Sonny, what the hell are you saying about her? That's my daughter. How do you know this? 

Sonny: Can you keep it quiet for once? They're entitled to their privacy. Can I trust you again?

Vargas: You are the middle finger. How do you think you know about these lies? 

Sonny: Her voice and his guitar. I've been doing a textual analysis. Particularly the tune You're So Good for Me, baby. Banger. The Boy, that's a ballad. Wolf in The Bed, also very relaxed. Bit dirty.

Vargas: You've lost your fucking mind-

Sonny: I had some time that afternoon. At least I've learned that time is the ultimate luxury. I strolled with my wonderful son to the rehearsal. They're in a studio under the railway arches. Gemma  was thrilled that I'm coming on Saturday. I assured her that I will be in the mosh pit. My limbs, such as they are, will be a blur. I will pogo. I will limbo. I should coco. We talked-

Vargas: You talked to Gemma when all this is going on?

Sonny: In the Arab cafe Gemma and I sat down for mint tea.

Vargas: What did you say to her?

Sonny: It’s what she said to me. So moving. I like the way you’re not afraid to embrace the strange, Sonny.

Vargas: Wow.

Sonny: I needed to talk, too. To ask her about Nina.  I'm concerned.  Nina's a little down, she gets anxious, and it takes her over-

Vargas: Yes.

Sonny: She's happy to have given up working for the charity to become an artist. Gemma seemed to think you've been a little discouraging. You asked Nina if she really believed she was talented enough to do it full-time. Wasn't her work a bit - maybe - a touch vanilla, if not idealised? There’s no passion in it. Desire is an engine. Without it we stall. Did you imply that?

Vargas: God knows if I did-

Sonny: You must have given an impression of doubt -

Vargas: Maybe-

Sonny: You're tense-

Vargas: Tense? Nowhere near. You've yanked my bowel out, turned it inside out and pulled it right down over my face. I can’t see a thing.

Sonny: Sitting with your Gemma in the Arab cafe, I brought up the, er, incident. The passion and interest in Doris-

Vargas: What would a woman like Doris see in you anyway-

Sonny: Ah-

Vargas: What?

Sonny: Gemma and I discussed the picture on the phone, the snail, the process-

Vargas: With my daughter? Your dick? What did you think you were doing?

Sonny: Telling each other how we feel. All that spilling. All that modern honesty. Getting closer -

Vargas: She spoke to you about...your thing?

Sonny: For her, I'm just saying, Nina acted too quickly. Nina rushed to hurt me. She doesn't like you with me. Jealous; mean. But she could have thought about the possible chaos. Absolute honesty has its limits. What's your view, now? Tell me. On reflection?

Vargas: Reflection? What reflection? When do I have time, with my mind a madhouse? I'm a pharmacist not Plato. You talked about my wife with my daughter, but you know what I did? I actually went out and saw your wife. In the, er, actual flesh. I contacted her and went ahead with it. To help you, Sonny-

Sonny: To save both of us- The only hope really- So what happened? Tell me.  How is she? How is my wife doing these days? What is she thinking about? What's on her mind?  How does she see the future? Jesus, that I have to ask you, and yet I really want to know.

Vargas: I’ll tell you later...friend.

Sonny: Why? What?

Vargas: Unlike you, I have work to do...

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SCENE NINE

Vargas: And so he didn't get the chance to hear it. He was disappointed. I made my escape. I know I did it to torture him - a little. After what he'd done, what he'd said. But I felt guilty. He didn't deserve that. I called him and the next day, early, we met again.

Vargas: She insisted, Sonny-

Sonny: Where exactly was it she wanted you to meet?

Vargas: Rashida is certainly-

Sonny: What?

Vargas: You know. Her own person.

Sonny: You noticed-

Vargas: One of those tea-rooms it was. Mirrors everywhere, waitresses in uniform, women wearing animals. Mountainous cakes driven about on trolleys. It was over-heated. I couldn't take off my jumper because of my vest. I started to sweat. Here and here.  Right off there was a happening. 

Rashida was on her way to the opera.  For hours she loses herself, maybe she forgets about you. And, she was wearing a hat. It's the only opportunity she gets to dress up. She'd laid it on the seat beside her. It slipped off. When I got up to go to the loo, I trod right on it-

Sonny: You stepped on my wife's hat?

Vargas: In it. I picked it up right away-

Sonny: Good man-

Vargas: I had sticky fingers, from the sugared thing, maybe it was a rum barba. When I tried to straighten out the hat and place it back on her head there were sugar stains that offended her-

Sonny: Did either of you mention me?

Vargas: I did ask, that's the thing, when we got to it, when we were settled, are you both on reasonable terms despite the way you, Sonny, have behaved. Some of it has been unforgivable. You've lied, deceived... photographed. I had to give her something-

Sonny:  Sounds like you did-

Vargas: But I indicated there was a way out -

Sonny: Ah-ha- Good.

Vargas: The two of you haven't had much contact. She admitted that. She's been a bit stunned, and didn't want to hear you bleating. But she had, yeah, been thinking about you.

Sonny: And I her.  A lot. At last-

Vargas: She said you- What she said. Well. It was surprising. I was taken aback.

Sonny: Let's have it. I'm numb to attack and degradation now-

Vargas; You can be lazy, you could have been a doctor, but you're not always one hundred percent hygienic-

Sonny: I'm liking this already.

Vargas: This is it. It unsettled me. She said you were decent, honest, intelligent, and you often surprise her with your humour. No one makes her laugh like you can, despite her efforts to resist. You're even cultured, and have never stood still. You've been an attentive father, taking the kids here and there, particularly when she was developing her career, doing her research. You stood with her, and provided for the family, when she felt bad about being in another world.

You aren't cruel, or interfering. Or clingy. She doesn't like men who demand attention from their wives-

Sonny: Nothing could be worse -

Vargas: She went on a bit. You've been stoical with her, Sonny. She's not someone you can interrupt. Or contradict.  She even informed me that in sophisticated cultures, people quite sensibly separate love and sex, which as everyone knows, collide as rarely as freedom and equality.  

Sonny: Mm hm...

Vargas: She knew you'd find someone who would give you some of what you need. And why didn't you act sooner?

Sonny: She said that?

Vargas: Yes-

Sonny: Okay-

Vargas:  I felt like interrupting. I wanted to say, if she likes you so much, she should marry you-

Sonny: What will Nina think?

Vargas: I don't know- Why? Rashida has worked hard and gone far.  She’s a Professor.  And now this sentimental outburst. This flannel. There were tears in her eyes when she talked about you. Nina never believed Rashida could be be charmed like this -

Sonny: Stop. What is this? You were there for a reason. To find out if I could go home. To help. I was face down, flat out drugged in the gutter, being gobbed on, threatened and looked at on the street-

Vargas: Rashida doesn't mind if you go home. She made a confession. She would be less likely to be raped if you're nearby-

Sonny: I've been a sort of security guard-

Vargas: You can't bring Doris there. 

Sonny: As if-

Vargas: Thing is. Leila's in a risky state of mind, she's a cutter and the rest. The children are in a state these days. There isn't much of a future for them. You might have noticed.

She and Rashida are working it through.  You'll have to wait. She hates you, your own daughter. You are noxious to her. Rashida thinks she's traumatized with STD-

Sonny: PTSD-

Vargas: Right. She had a lover, the first - the only one, an older woman, the road sweeper - who Leila thought betrayed her. She's lonely and wild.  Rashida is terrified of upsetting her more.

Sonny: Leila is our bomb, and our glue. We've spent years trying to keep her upright. She remains a threat to humanity. We gave her everything. It was always wrong-

Vargas: Did something happen to her?

Sonny: Rashida wanted her to be a dancer, sent her to the best places, pushed her hard, she's an insistent teacher, hates failure. Leila had a breakdown.

Rashida decided Leila could become an academic. But she ploughed her exams, got a job in a pub, you might remember. She slugged one of the customers. She had childish crushes on female stars, but they all died early- She's drawn to tragedy.

She's a madness we made between us. She's committed to letting us down, and why would we mind, we quite like her anyway. Which enrages her even more. She said, no one's allowed to be a failure now. In another age she would be in a sanatorium in Switzerland-

Vargas: Ah-

Sonny: Around the age of sixteen\seventeen, I'd hear her in the bathroom, the world coming out through her mouth. Those gasps. Where did my baby go?

Vargas: Sonny. Rashida said this awful thing. I wrote it down. I don't even want to say it. She said, she really only started to love the children when they became adults.

Sonny: So?

What would you do now?

Vargas: Open the door, walk right back in to your house, take everything back, sign those business papers. Speak to the architect and your colleagues. It's pathetic not to. Do it. Stand up.

Sonny: Thanks.... 

Vargas: Sonny. One more thing. I had this feeling that I was being watched. When I stepped on the hat, I twisted around. As you do, you know, when you tread in a hat. I caught a glimpse of a woman. I looked again as Rashida went on. She was wearing shades and a scarf. When I got up to leave I believe she was following me. Leila-

Sonny: Why would she follow you?  Where do you go interesting except to the Spank?

Vargas: Sonny: is she dangerous? Are we safe from her?

Sonny: Who is safe in this world now? They might think they are. They're not.

See you Saturday. By the way: that was upsetting and disappointing, what Rashida said about me. Really.... How could she?

Vargas: Why?

Sonny: I believed, in her heart, she had some residual love for me....

Vargas: I doubt my wife would ever say those things about me. It was a big, bright commercial. Be grateful, brute. If that isn't love, pal-

Sonny: If it was love, she wouldn't have been kind, she couldn't have said it all. The words wouldn't have existed to say it. She wouldn't have been able to make a list. No, no, no. That confirmed what I suspected. It's just respect. So many, frustrating, wasted years...waiting, hoping that she might turn her face to me-

You say, you said it to me. I thought about it a lot. Doris, you said, she's a fantasy. But that's where love begins, in the dream. She's a fantasy until she becomes real. And I want that real real, punching me in the face...making me alive. Never lose your illusion, dude. If you lose that, you're done -

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SCENE TEN.

Vargas: And so I brought him some things. It would cheer him up. He would be back on track. We both would.

Vargas: I'm in a rush, but here's some T-shirts and other things for the weekend. You're already under threat, and I don't want you walking around smelling like a pikey. These won't last you long, but -

Sonny: I'm talking to Atif after the gig, he's been arguing my case with the women, and then my adventure is over. Back to the house, back to work, back to the ordinary hostilities. You see, I'm taking your advice. Then I have to say everything to Leila. I have to connect with her, even if I can't get her back- I can't let her go....she’s still mine, and always will be-

Vargas: Good, good - That's for the best- I'm thrilled and relieved, man.

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SCENE ELEVEN.

Vargas: Are you okay?

Sonny: What happened, friend? What precisely the hell went on? Let's go through it. I'm shattered and all over the place here. Vargas -

Vargas: It's okay. And we're fine. We picked up the pieces. We did what we could.

Sonny: I'd better thank you big time for that, one day-

Vargas: I must ask you- I've got this question- Did you know she was going to the gig? Did you?

Sonny: Doris. No.  I knew she was coming to town. We'd discussed it. She wanted to see if I was okay after my, er, travails. I'd leave the Bates, and stay with her at her friend's. We'd have a time.

Then she wanted to surprise me.  She came into my room at the Bates, took my hand, and embraced me. She said she'd missed my voice, and the back of my neck- Heaven is other people, eh?

Vargas: Okay. Why not. But you do push things-

Sonny: I told Atif she might be coming. He gave me a look, and said he didn't mind.  My life was my own. But tell me-

Vargas: So. This. Nina and I were at the side of the stage. I'd thought Nina wouldn't want to go, she's been made so erratic and upset recently. But she was proud to see her daughter singing the blues, with that voice, and with your boy-

Sonny: Sweetie-

Vargas: When the slow song began I looked. You were standing with someone. The lights were low, but I recognised her, the tennis racket girl. You were doing a little terpsichore, holding hands. You kissed her. You did it again. How can you be so provocative?

Sonny: It comes naturally-

Vargas: I'm sure-

Sonny: I'd told Doris, I'm going to see my son and his lover, we can meet after the performance, or you can accompany me. She said yes. Atif keeps it from his sister, but why would he have beef with Doris? He'd never even met the woman. It was a wonderful surprise that she wanted to go. That was Doris's devotion-

Vargas: It happened then-

Sonny: Yes -

Vargas: There was Leila, in black as always. But her eyes were black. She was coming at you with a knife in her hand- Oh, oh brother. I won't forget that sight-

Sonny: She was at Doris in a moment. I grabbed her arm and twisted it harder than I've done anything. She dropped it. She wasn't done. She hit my new girl across the face. Down Doris dropped, all over the place, her nose bleeding. I saw that Leila was fleeing. I made a decision at the moment, I had to go after her-

Vargas: Where was she?

Sonny: Outside, she was standing there, waiting to see whether I would come for her, if I loved her despite everything, which I do. I grabbed her, and accompanied her back home. She seemed calm, she came along with me, no fuss. I had the knife, but I threw it into a garden, I had to get rid of it, like the criminal I seem to have become.

Vargas: So Nina and I, we took Doris back home to calm down, cleaned her up, and gave her whisky. We talked about tennis, and we even praised you, not too much, but we had to, that's what guilt does-

Sonny: I almost dragged Leila into the house. I was in a rage. I kept it down. But I had to beg her to do one decent thing. This was inexcusable, unforgiveable.

Vargas: When Doris talked about you, Sonny, she had a smile on her face. Gemma and Atif came back and heard it. We sat together and discussed - difficult children - and how to make them -

Sonny: She had to know it was terrible. But I said, speak to us thankless daughter, apologise to me, to Doris, your mother, try and cure it up, help us to like you again-

Vargas: What did she say?

Sonny: She shook her head. I asked her again. And then once more. She looked at me as if I didn't understand anything about myself, and then said she was invisible. I spoke to her of places we visited together, games we played, when she was young, how devoted I was, and still am. Nothing. A face of pure hatred. And where did that come from and how did it get there? That was the end for me. I got out. I couldn't take any more. I was gone... I had to be---

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SCENE TWELVE.

Vargas: We didn't say goodbye. It didn't end like that. I wondered if a goodbye was necessary at all. I thought we would go on. But a couple of weeks after he'd gone, and I'd been waiting for him, I called him and said this:

VARGAS: I leave this message for you, old friend, not knowing if you'll ever get it, but I will say it, because I'm used to talking to you, even when you're absent, you're present. I’m full of words, and it's been the saddest thing since you passed by that morning, wanting your tennis rackets, and you'll want to know what's going on-

I ran into Rashida, the first time since the crazy hat incident. She was out shopping. She'd been so imperious and capable. She looked tired, and bent out of shape - so i asked her how she was - and how you were, if she knew, my dear demented friend -

She's at home, wondering where it went wrong, trying to drag her daughter back into the common world, though I suspect the daughter might be dragging her into the uncommon one.

Don't we dream, all of us, of something else, of being someone else? Once you said, in the end you have to act, you have to do something. You have to change your life. You have to live differently, You can’t go on just the same and imagine you’ll magically be cured.

You did that. It’s an achievement. Well done. But I wish you hadn't fled. I wish you hadn't left me. Goodbye -

Hanif Kureishi