For now let me focus on the hospital update. As ever, I am grateful to know what is happening. I wish the news were better. That goes without saying but it must be said. I am so sorry. What you write rings true. Your descriptions and comments are triumphs on behalf of all who care for genuine living even in the darkest moments. So much of our existence derives from accidents, good and bad. Your sense of the beautiful shines through, all the same. Brief glimpses, and so all the more genuine. I do try to stay away from or divert pessimists talking politics. You are toughness itself. The situation in the U.S. is every bit as frightening as anywhere else. I pay attention. I know I must. But gifts like yours illuminate the darkest of times. I hope your friends are faithful in reading you. Whatever went before, you now offer special illumination. A brief but decisive mention of Carlo's beauty carries infinite weight. Continue the explosions in the night sky.
Dear Hanif, Thank you for this latest installment of your blog. I do admire your ability and willingness to write so compellingly about what must feel like a never ending nightmare. You manage to describe how grim it is without lapsing into self-pity.
A lot of the time I share yours and your friends' feeling the country and perhaps much of the world is in decline and decay. What gives me some hope and purpose is firstly working with people in health and care who truly care about the people they treat and look after, and knowing that both of my grown up children are making a positive difference in the world. Secondly, being politically active in a very modest way. Even though Labour policy is by no means all I would want it to be it feels better to be actively doing what little I can to influence from within.
Dear Hanif - thank you so much for these Q&As - they’re so great to engage in as readers and I’m glad to hear that you find it enjoyable too. I’m of course especially glad that you answered my Q about Bowie - I love hearing one hero’s reflections on another. I guess my hero worship wouldn’t be tarnished anyway - but it’s always fascinating to hear more about what a person is like. Funny that he wasn’t at all interested in politics because I think that’s my main interest. Also feeling depressed about the state our country is in, hoping for more, not really sensing a moment of great renewal but also hoping to be wrong about that. Thanks so much - can’t wait to read more.
Dear Hanif, Although I no longer live in London, I know Hammersmith so well and the walks you describe and can imagine the anguish of times past besides time present. In another post, way back, you recollect filling the dishwasher before bed of an evening and having wondered - pre-fall - how long such simple domesticities might sustain in a life.
There’s a Betjeman poem where he wrote “when did the devil come, when first attack... lost innocence” and it seems to me that life can feel a constant falling away from innocence, with moments of reprieve - particularly perhaps when we see the beauty and strengths of new generations - be it your son beside you or maybe a new sporting hero or musician punching into the world or someone like Greta Thunberg holding power to account.
Maybe it’s naive, but it is the prospect of new generations that gives me optimism politically- that there are new generations who are differently empowered to connect and leverage and that they are coming of age, the Gen-Zs and Alphas to follow.
For myself, I share your pessimism from the self-inflicted wounds of Brexit and all that’s followed, but I am inspired by working to support new generations to impact change - I suppose much as you talk of the joy of collaborating on your friend’s biography. So, I guess I have a mess of perplexed confusion / horror about the world as it is, combined with a belief that change is inevitable and that new generations will require and compel it to happen even though it is painfully slow.
I suppose that’s how I feel for you too; that recovery in parts must come and I wish it wasn’t so slow for you. Thank you so much for all you share and the thoughts and conversations you nurture - it’s a real gift. Yasmin x
Whenever I read this....regularly....I am reminded to be grateful. At the same time, I feel awful for your suffering, but also wonder if "making progress" that can't be measured is REALLY making progress. I have some minor muscle weakness and try to do the exercises to keep what I've got but it regularly seems fruitless. We should have a club....you or your minions would think of a proper pithy title!!
But your work with the memoir guy proves your worth to the planet this day....and your intelligence and honesty in this blog. Hugs
In answer to your question as to whether there is any optimism out there, and whether the tiny demographic of you and your friends are the exception, rather than the rule? I'd agree the state of politics in Britain today sends me into an abject maudlin state of strangled inertia. I'm left feeling - is this it? Is this what it comes down to? Then you realise how limited these politicians are - or not, when you look at Russia, India and China. There's not much point in thinking about the bigger picture, let alone the myopic, blinkered, watered-down piss we have to put up with here - it only angers and depresses to dwell on such matters. It doesn't matter which party is in power in the UK - put your faith in scientists, innovators, artists and creatives who make a difference and want to see real change.
Reading this late as usual, sorry. A strange caravan indeed.
It must be immensely frustrating on top of everything else that you can't detect improvement from the endless exercises.
Also: what motivates some hospital staff to address individual humans as "we" instead of "you"? To me that sounds enormously patronizing and I think I'd find it difficult to respond generously, even knowing that it wasn't intended that way.
Re optimism: I do feel some at least but a) I think that's a function of temperament rather than analysis, and b) I'm not in the UK. I'll be there for a while next month though and will be interested to learn how my friends there are feeling.
As it’s so sunny and bright today and hopefully this week in England I hope more than anything you can get outside in fresh air breathing in the not stale hospital yuck - that passes as air and can feel warmth on your ailing body -
thinking of you in quiet moments and wishing you strength in your recovery -
It must be a strange, disillusioning and disturbing place, to find oneself in such a state of liminality - cut-off and dissociated from your normal life, having to live with the people who's reality has been changed as a result of what you are now - a very real but unreal existence in a vegetative state, that somehow you (and those who follow and support you) are navigating as you go along - hoping for the best - but not knowing, one way or the other. It is a feeling of stasis and brokenness that weighs heavily on us as a whole - your situation somehow highlights this feeling of hopelessness - that do we really believe in what we are doing - in our lives and on this planet - could be somehow changed for the better - that perhaps we are lost, and rather than running from Nature, we should be more spiritually aligned with it - that we are also feeling desperately cut-off, whether it politics, religion, climate change, wars, society as a whole - humanity just keeps ploughing along - the furrows forever deepening, whilst forgetting about the seeds we sow, or the seeds of change we know we need, but are reluctant to reach out for. Indeed, going back to a Pagan mindset - where divinity and the material or spiritual universe are one - where pantheism means that divinity is inseparable from nature, and that deity is immanent in nature. Hanif, your situation reflects our own plight - our hands are tied to a fate we can't steer because the tiller is at the mercy of only a few. Liminality is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of a rite of passage - the ambiguousness of our lives in the digital age has left as disorientated as ever - yet in amongst the chaos and terrifying paradox, perhaps we can find another way to look at the world and accept with more honesty, dignity, love and grace - to fight for what is right, not with the acceptance that we'll never get what we want because humanity has always been at loggerheads, but that we urgently need and must embrace, change. Change is about giving of yourself to circumstance, otherwise things only stay the same. It is of no coincidence that your friend David Bowie's album Changes was his "statement of purpose" - he knew how important change was creatively and artistically. The world has come a long way just in this century, but is run by many who belong to the last one - a lot of people have been left behind in this crazy corporate consumer market. Changes must keep happening to readdress the balance - and faster. Technology may save us yet, in the meantime we somehow have to be content with our lives they way they are. For you Hanif, it doesn't come much harder, but you are now more giving of yourself than perhaps you ever were before. We must find it in our hearts to be positive, to give of ourselves and help others.
Dear Hanif,
For now let me focus on the hospital update. As ever, I am grateful to know what is happening. I wish the news were better. That goes without saying but it must be said. I am so sorry. What you write rings true. Your descriptions and comments are triumphs on behalf of all who care for genuine living even in the darkest moments. So much of our existence derives from accidents, good and bad. Your sense of the beautiful shines through, all the same. Brief glimpses, and so all the more genuine. I do try to stay away from or divert pessimists talking politics. You are toughness itself. The situation in the U.S. is every bit as frightening as anywhere else. I pay attention. I know I must. But gifts like yours illuminate the darkest of times. I hope your friends are faithful in reading you. Whatever went before, you now offer special illumination. A brief but decisive mention of Carlo's beauty carries infinite weight. Continue the explosions in the night sky.
Dear Hanif, Thank you for this latest installment of your blog. I do admire your ability and willingness to write so compellingly about what must feel like a never ending nightmare. You manage to describe how grim it is without lapsing into self-pity.
A lot of the time I share yours and your friends' feeling the country and perhaps much of the world is in decline and decay. What gives me some hope and purpose is firstly working with people in health and care who truly care about the people they treat and look after, and knowing that both of my grown up children are making a positive difference in the world. Secondly, being politically active in a very modest way. Even though Labour policy is by no means all I would want it to be it feels better to be actively doing what little I can to influence from within.
Dear Hanif - thank you so much for these Q&As - they’re so great to engage in as readers and I’m glad to hear that you find it enjoyable too. I’m of course especially glad that you answered my Q about Bowie - I love hearing one hero’s reflections on another. I guess my hero worship wouldn’t be tarnished anyway - but it’s always fascinating to hear more about what a person is like. Funny that he wasn’t at all interested in politics because I think that’s my main interest. Also feeling depressed about the state our country is in, hoping for more, not really sensing a moment of great renewal but also hoping to be wrong about that. Thanks so much - can’t wait to read more.
Dear Hanif, Although I no longer live in London, I know Hammersmith so well and the walks you describe and can imagine the anguish of times past besides time present. In another post, way back, you recollect filling the dishwasher before bed of an evening and having wondered - pre-fall - how long such simple domesticities might sustain in a life.
There’s a Betjeman poem where he wrote “when did the devil come, when first attack... lost innocence” and it seems to me that life can feel a constant falling away from innocence, with moments of reprieve - particularly perhaps when we see the beauty and strengths of new generations - be it your son beside you or maybe a new sporting hero or musician punching into the world or someone like Greta Thunberg holding power to account.
Maybe it’s naive, but it is the prospect of new generations that gives me optimism politically- that there are new generations who are differently empowered to connect and leverage and that they are coming of age, the Gen-Zs and Alphas to follow.
For myself, I share your pessimism from the self-inflicted wounds of Brexit and all that’s followed, but I am inspired by working to support new generations to impact change - I suppose much as you talk of the joy of collaborating on your friend’s biography. So, I guess I have a mess of perplexed confusion / horror about the world as it is, combined with a belief that change is inevitable and that new generations will require and compel it to happen even though it is painfully slow.
I suppose that’s how I feel for you too; that recovery in parts must come and I wish it wasn’t so slow for you. Thank you so much for all you share and the thoughts and conversations you nurture - it’s a real gift. Yasmin x
Whenever I read this....regularly....I am reminded to be grateful. At the same time, I feel awful for your suffering, but also wonder if "making progress" that can't be measured is REALLY making progress. I have some minor muscle weakness and try to do the exercises to keep what I've got but it regularly seems fruitless. We should have a club....you or your minions would think of a proper pithy title!!
But your work with the memoir guy proves your worth to the planet this day....and your intelligence and honesty in this blog. Hugs
I absolutely love this thoughtful Q&A.
I’ll tell him now
In answer to your question as to whether there is any optimism out there, and whether the tiny demographic of you and your friends are the exception, rather than the rule? I'd agree the state of politics in Britain today sends me into an abject maudlin state of strangled inertia. I'm left feeling - is this it? Is this what it comes down to? Then you realise how limited these politicians are - or not, when you look at Russia, India and China. There's not much point in thinking about the bigger picture, let alone the myopic, blinkered, watered-down piss we have to put up with here - it only angers and depresses to dwell on such matters. It doesn't matter which party is in power in the UK - put your faith in scientists, innovators, artists and creatives who make a difference and want to see real change.
Reading this late as usual, sorry. A strange caravan indeed.
It must be immensely frustrating on top of everything else that you can't detect improvement from the endless exercises.
Also: what motivates some hospital staff to address individual humans as "we" instead of "you"? To me that sounds enormously patronizing and I think I'd find it difficult to respond generously, even knowing that it wasn't intended that way.
Re optimism: I do feel some at least but a) I think that's a function of temperament rather than analysis, and b) I'm not in the UK. I'll be there for a while next month though and will be interested to learn how my friends there are feeling.
As it’s so sunny and bright today and hopefully this week in England I hope more than anything you can get outside in fresh air breathing in the not stale hospital yuck - that passes as air and can feel warmth on your ailing body -
thinking of you in quiet moments and wishing you strength in your recovery -
https://www.middleeasteye.net/opinion/uk-labour-curious-case-britain-forgotten-2017-election?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=Social_Traffic&utm_content=ap_pamxxstxfw
It must be a strange, disillusioning and disturbing place, to find oneself in such a state of liminality - cut-off and dissociated from your normal life, having to live with the people who's reality has been changed as a result of what you are now - a very real but unreal existence in a vegetative state, that somehow you (and those who follow and support you) are navigating as you go along - hoping for the best - but not knowing, one way or the other. It is a feeling of stasis and brokenness that weighs heavily on us as a whole - your situation somehow highlights this feeling of hopelessness - that do we really believe in what we are doing - in our lives and on this planet - could be somehow changed for the better - that perhaps we are lost, and rather than running from Nature, we should be more spiritually aligned with it - that we are also feeling desperately cut-off, whether it politics, religion, climate change, wars, society as a whole - humanity just keeps ploughing along - the furrows forever deepening, whilst forgetting about the seeds we sow, or the seeds of change we know we need, but are reluctant to reach out for. Indeed, going back to a Pagan mindset - where divinity and the material or spiritual universe are one - where pantheism means that divinity is inseparable from nature, and that deity is immanent in nature. Hanif, your situation reflects our own plight - our hands are tied to a fate we can't steer because the tiller is at the mercy of only a few. Liminality is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of a rite of passage - the ambiguousness of our lives in the digital age has left as disorientated as ever - yet in amongst the chaos and terrifying paradox, perhaps we can find another way to look at the world and accept with more honesty, dignity, love and grace - to fight for what is right, not with the acceptance that we'll never get what we want because humanity has always been at loggerheads, but that we urgently need and must embrace, change. Change is about giving of yourself to circumstance, otherwise things only stay the same. It is of no coincidence that your friend David Bowie's album Changes was his "statement of purpose" - he knew how important change was creatively and artistically. The world has come a long way just in this century, but is run by many who belong to the last one - a lot of people have been left behind in this crazy corporate consumer market. Changes must keep happening to readdress the balance - and faster. Technology may save us yet, in the meantime we somehow have to be content with our lives they way they are. For you Hanif, it doesn't come much harder, but you are now more giving of yourself than perhaps you ever were before. We must find it in our hearts to be positive, to give of ourselves and help others.