96 Comments
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Hope Chernov's avatar

Hanif, you are a rockstar.

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Jugnu64's avatar

My first job as a terrified Junior Doctor many decades ago was as a house surgeon to a Urologist. I learned then that the relatively simple procedure of changing or inserting a urinary catheter could bring untold relief and in some cases a life saving intervention. Delighted it all resolved quickly and well and you determinedly went on with the rest of your day.

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Eion MacDonald's avatar

When you need a urinary catheter, and the hospital you are in cannot do it, you get a thrill a minute fast (very fast) ride in an ambulance to one that can insert a urinary catheter. A slendid memory of ambulance, parson inside with you and real speed seeing the world go by.

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Nigel Williams's avatar

Was great to see you after all that! You were very calm and collected and showed no trace of having been through these horrors. Love Nige

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Sane Francisco's avatar

Talk about taking the piss!

(Brilliant writing, as always. 👏🏾)

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Deborah Goldblatt's avatar

Great title for this piece too!

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Dawn Prestwich's avatar

Good Lord, Hanif. Thank God you are a writer, and in the midst of unimaginable hell you are able to think, "this will be a good story some day!" That is the bittersweet gift of the word. Wishing you easy peeing and much hope.

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Sonia Pilcer's avatar

You inspire so many of us with your courage. Isnt it the bathroom shite that gets to us? Oy vey. We love you. ❤️

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Sheila's avatar

Wow, this is bonkers. Hats off to you, from ambulance to lunch! I’m impressed by your dedication to food/friends/both 😆

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Nellie's avatar

Bloody hell. Tense. Curtains because you thought it was curtains. Curtains, because of the indignantly of it all and where are they? Deep joy, you’re going to lunch with your friends when not so long ago you wanted nothing at all. Madness and all put so eloquently. Thanks. I’d have been a crispy, bitter witch. You’ve been honest and amazing. Now for the wine…

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Rebecca Warren's avatar

Love the two district nurses. And the two boys with the luminous bladder. What a great relief. And what a great painting.

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Greil Marcus's avatar

It’s important write these incidents down in detail because weakness and trauma can erase memory. It can be hard to keep track, to hold a sequence if events in order, to distinguish false memories fragments from true memories.

The writng here is fluid and clear. There’s no panic, only jeopardy. Congratulations.

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Hanif Kureishi's avatar

Dear Greil,

Thanks so much for this. I often think of you. I hope we can meet again some day, it would be wonderful to sit down and have a chat.

Anyway, my love to you.

H.

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Nora Armani's avatar

You have such an amazing way of creating suspense from everyday life situations, even though I would hardly call this one everyday life. I saw my father suffer from Chronic Kidney Disease years ago, and being unable to pee was one of the nightmares he went through all the time, catheter included. Glad to see you pulled through and were able to live to tell us about it. We still need to hear/ read your stories, so don't bail out on us, OK? Have a great weekend!

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Den Cartlidge's avatar

****ing hell, mate - what a morning (to say the least!).

Take it easy, and hope you enjoyed your lunch!

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Jonah Town's avatar

Your personal account of a medical emergency is both gripping and insightful. Your vivid descriptions immerse the reader in the urgency of the situation, evoking empathy and understanding. Your resilience and humor in the face of adversity are truly commendable.

Explore captivating Contemporary, Romance, Thriller & Suspense, Science Fiction, Horror, and more stories on my Substack for FREE at https://jonahtown.substack.com

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Laura's avatar

Oh, this was a tough read but I'm so glad about the happy ending. Best wishes, Mr. Kureishi.

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Marcelle's avatar

Thank you for this. I know only too well the chaos of managing one’s body when it doesn’t work any more. . You don’t mention the type of catheter you have, but if it’s not a suprapubic catheter, get one and drink huge amounts - it helps.

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Alex Valk's avatar

Oh Hanif what a horrible experience. Someone I loved very much went through this when he had a catheter and it was excruciating. I’m so glad it was sorted and you didn’t have to go to hospital. I came across your incredible writing on Substack and am now reading Buddha of Suburbia, it is an absolute delight and I’m so glad to have found you! This Substack is an incredible thing and you are just amazing. I hope you had an utterly fabulous lunch.x

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