Another rivalry that comes to mind is Marlowe and Shakespeare. Will was spurned on by Marlowe’s education, writing, and early success. He worked hard to “overcome” and “outdo” his friend and rival.
"Even for those of us who aren’t sports stars or geniuses, the parent’s voice remains omnipresent. ... What happens if you no longer let yourself be used as someone’s material, even when that someone is a ghost? I suspect the answer is a mixture of relief and panic, a painful rediscovery of what you actually want when nobody is shouting."
I appreciate you reposting this one, it's even better on the second read. I still hear the shouting, but it says the opposite of you must excel -- it says you, like I, have failed, and you must embrace that and find meaning in it, actively choosing to turn away from the things that sustain you and instead labor to eke sustenance from the quotidian, the tedious, the banal. This is your world, what you see outside is only for the excellent, the geniuses, the prodigies.
Thank you, Hanif. I continue to learn how to free myself from being someone's material.
"The child’s desire is colonised before it’s had a chance to form. In families like these, desire or ambition is created and maintained by the parental figure." And woe to the child who cannot live up to that colonization... When rivals become extensions of it.
Then there is the intrusive parent who wants to show you how HE does it. And hands out advice, prefaced by 'I think you'll find'...even as you scamper off, looking for a friend to play with.
A mother who was never satisfied with my efforts, I learned to ignore this and see past it at an early age. Fortunately my father was very accepting and loved me unconditionally, so there was a balance......I know she loved me but not for what I was, only what I could be......still....as Winnicot said, "good enough is adequate"
I just love your stuff Hanif, it gets better.......
This is a great one-- beautifully written and brimming with fascinating ideas. Thank you!
Another rivalry that comes to mind is Marlowe and Shakespeare. Will was spurned on by Marlowe’s education, writing, and early success. He worked hard to “overcome” and “outdo” his friend and rival.
"Even for those of us who aren’t sports stars or geniuses, the parent’s voice remains omnipresent. ... What happens if you no longer let yourself be used as someone’s material, even when that someone is a ghost? I suspect the answer is a mixture of relief and panic, a painful rediscovery of what you actually want when nobody is shouting."
I appreciate you reposting this one, it's even better on the second read. I still hear the shouting, but it says the opposite of you must excel -- it says you, like I, have failed, and you must embrace that and find meaning in it, actively choosing to turn away from the things that sustain you and instead labor to eke sustenance from the quotidian, the tedious, the banal. This is your world, what you see outside is only for the excellent, the geniuses, the prodigies.
Thank you, Hanif. I continue to learn how to free myself from being someone's material.
"The child’s desire is colonised before it’s had a chance to form. In families like these, desire or ambition is created and maintained by the parental figure." And woe to the child who cannot live up to that colonization... When rivals become extensions of it.
Superb piece of writing.
Thank you🙏this was necessary for me to have read today❤️
Brilliant! Thank you.
Very good text! Well thought out and well written.
Then there is the intrusive parent who wants to show you how HE does it. And hands out advice, prefaced by 'I think you'll find'...even as you scamper off, looking for a friend to play with.
My god....do I relate to this ! !
A mother who was never satisfied with my efforts, I learned to ignore this and see past it at an early age. Fortunately my father was very accepting and loved me unconditionally, so there was a balance......I know she loved me but not for what I was, only what I could be......still....as Winnicot said, "good enough is adequate"
I just love your stuff Hanif, it gets better.......
Xxxx
As always, the best writer I read on Substack. And I"m including myself. Mucho respect.